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What You Should Not Say to a Divorcee, Even if You Mean Well

By Nottage and Ward on September 17, 2012

When you have a friend or family member who is going through a divorce, your immediate impulse is to try to make them feel better, but what you think is helpful may actually just cause a divorcee stress and frustration. According to The Huffington Post, here are some common phrases that, while well-meaning, can actually be the last things a person going through a divorce wants to hear:

  • At least you don’t have kids. Even if a divorcee doesn’t have children, it doesn’t mean the pain of divorce is less, so it is almost like telling them that they should not be feeling as bad as they are.
  • That’s just like what happened to me. That’s just a great way to make a divorcee feel worse, not better. Turning their pain into focusing on what happened to you may feel like you’re empathizing, but you are in fact taking away a chance for the divorcee to really tell their story.
  • You’re still young, you won’t have trouble meeting someone new. The last thing a divorcee wants to think about after a divorce is jumping back into the dating pool.
  • Everything happens for a reason. This is probably the vaguest platitude you can give and really just says that since everything happens for a reason, there’s no reason to be distraught over the divorce.
  • You’re better off. A divorcee needs time to feel this way; mentioning this early on just makes a divorcee feel like you don’t understand what they’re going through.
  • Good riddance to bad rubbish. Saying that a divorcee picked a horrible person as their spouse, whether true or not, is not just bashing on the spouse but also the divorcee who chose them.

It’s difficult to find the right words to say to someone going through a tough emotional time, but finding the right words is important. Don’t just give a divorcee that you care about the same feel good phrases everybody says. If you’re going to say something, have it come from the heart.

Divorce can be stressful and frustrating on a variety of levels, but with the help of an experienced attorney, you can get through the process efficiently and achieve a favorable divorce settlement that will help you get on with your life. If you are planning to divorce in Illinois, contact the experienced Chicago divorce attorneys at Nottage and Ward today for a consultation at (312) 332-2915.

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