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When Going Through a Divorce, Don’t Forget About the Kids

By Leslie Fineberg on May 19, 2014

Chicago Family LawThe family law attorneys at Nottage & Ward in Chicago recently ran across an article in the Huffington Post that was a powerful reminder that divorce is not only a traumatic and emotional experience for you, but also for your children. The author pointed out that it is important to remember that children are more sophisticated than we often give them credit for and are acutely aware of situations, events, and actions in divided families.

The author claims she has dealt with hundreds of families going through breakups and that these are just some of the things children wish they could tell their divorcing parents:

1. I didn’t get divorced, you did. Just because you are mad at my mom or dad, he or she is still my parent. Talking bad or gossiping about him or her makes me feel bad and makes me disrespect you.

2. I don’t care about the stuff. Okay, you are angry about not getting the car or the gym membership, but stop telling me about it. It makes me think that you care more about the material things than me.

3. Stop acting like children. Can’t you just get along with each other when you are in the same room at the same times during shared family events, like birthdays, concerts, recitals or teacher’s conferences? You can be civil to each other for a couple of hours during occasions that matter to me. It’s not much to ask for.

4. If I do something that makes you angry, don’t compare me to my other parent. Saying things like “You whine like your mother,” is not a criticism of her, it is a criticism of me. You left the relationship because of the things you didn’t like about the other person. Making comparisons like this does nothing to boost my self-confidence or self-esteem. Are you going to leave me, too?

5. Don’t dismiss my emotions. No, I’m not being overly-dramatic over the divorce of my parents. I’m allowed to feel sad, angry or depressed about it. Everything I have known for my entire life is changing and I am scared.

These are just some of the points the article covers and we suggest that you read the entire piece by clicking here. Going through a divorce is hard on all members of a family. Finding an equitable and quick resolution is in everybody’s interests. If you are thinking about filing for a divorce, call Nottage & Ward in Chicago at (312) 332-2915 to find out what your options may be.

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