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After divorce, it is difficult to actually feel positive about and look forward to the holidays. Thanksgiving is a reminder of how much your life has changed and, potentially, how much has been taken away from you. It can be a heart-wrenching time, but that does not mean that it cannot be a positive experience. Your Thanksgiving can be as positive or negative as you decide to make it, and remember, while certain family relationships have changed, there are others that you still have. If you can get through your first holiday after divorce, you know that you’ll be just fine.
There are a lot of obstacles in your way when trying to prepare yourself to get through Thanksgiving, and one of the most difficult to overcome (but not impossible) is nostalgia. Remembering the Thanksgivings you had with your family and the traditions you created can be heartbreaking, but focusing on what you did in the past won’t do you any good in the present. Make new traditions. You may have celebrated Thanksgiving with your spouse’s family while you were married, but this year, spend it with your parents, siblings, or even friends.
Divorce can be a very complicated and heated process in the United States, no matter what state you live in; but the issues you have to deal with in a divorce are exponentially worse when one or both spouses have dual citizenship and are living in another country. According to a Reuters.com article, custody issues have demonstrated the growing trend of problems associated with dual citizenship and divorce.
The President of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) states that they are “seeing more parental kidnappings, more conflict, more litigation and simply more to fight about.” He goes on to say that back in the late 1970’s and even the 1980’s, if a woman took her kids with her when she moved out of the country, no one would have contested because the mother would always be awarded custody. Times have changed, however, and parents who are challenging their ex’s right to take their kids out of the country are finding a lot of obstacles in their way. If your husband or wife takes your kids to another country, all you can do is try to open a line of communication to your ex. There’s only so much an American embassy can do to help in a foreign country.
The time it takes to heal after a divorce can vary greatly depending on the person and the circumstances surrounding the separation. There’s no denying that divorce can have a profound effect on a person’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being; however, it is not uncommon for divorcees to eventually start dating again. In some cases, divorcees may actually return to their former spouses once the dust has settled. But is that a good decision?
According to The Huffington Post, it depends on the couple. If the ex-spouses are able to learn from their mistakes and resolve the issues that broke them up in the first place, they may have a chance at reconciliation. Unfortunately, that is the rare exception. There are plenty of reasons why getting back with an ex is simply a bad idea.
Rosaire Nottage, a founding partner of the Chicago family law firm Nottage and Ward, is committed to helping Illinois residents with a wide range of family law matters, including divorce. But it isn’t just important to offer effective legal representation to divorcing individuals, but to provide them with the support and advice they need after divorce, which is where a particular Huffington Post article comes in.
Being happy again after divorce is, unfortunately, not an instantaneous process, even if you wanted the divorce and looked forward to when you would be single and on your own again. Divorce is a big change, especially if you were married for many years, and being single takes some getting used to, but there are ways to make sure that you can encourage the process along more quickly:
Divorce affects women in different ways. While some may do very well after divorce, others find it very difficult to move beyond the emotional pain and financial hardships. The circumstances of every divorce are different, but, according to The Huffington Post, the difference between women who do well after divorce and women who get stuck is that women who do well make the decision to be happy with themselves and their situation. This isn’t easy, but it is necessary if you want to get on with your life. There are five major steps that, as a smart woman, you should take to be happy again and get on with your life:
- Give “woe is me” feelings a shelf life. Self-pity can be very destructive and keep you from letting go of something that is in the past. Make the conscious mental shift from victim to survivor, or even warrior, and make future decisions with that mentality.
- Accept your post-divorce financial situation. Come to terms with your reduced lifestyle and reprioritize your finances or commit yourself to changing your lifestyle. The smartest women do not rely on alimony or maintenance from their ex-husband, or the finding of a new man, as a long-term financial solution.
Financial issues are common in many marriages and, in some, may even be severe enough to lead to divorce. But the financial problems may not stop there. Divorced couples often experience financial issues after divorce due to unforeseen tax implications which were not addressed in the terms of the divorce. This can not only result in ongoing animosity between the couple but also potentially cause serious tax issues. No one wants the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) breathing down their necks, so it is important to address the following tax matters in your divorce:
- Deducting Legal Fees – Typically, you cannot deduct legal fees on your tax return; however, if the fees are related to the allocation or protection of income-producing assets, then the fees can be deductable. Before you file your tax return, know what you can deduct and what you can’t.
- Filing Status and Exemptions – A very important issue to resolve during divorce settlement negotiations is who will be claiming the children, or who will claim which child. In addition, matters related to the “head-of-household” filing status and exemptions must also be resolved.
In last week’s blog post, we discussed the first four steps of coping post-divorce by using the Vendetta Technique, which was developed by celebrity weight-loss coach Valerie Orsoni. Today we present the last three steps to move on with your life, happily and confidently, after divorce:
- Step 5: The Vendetta Diet – There is strong correlation between looking good and feeling good, and vice versa. It gives you confidence that you may have lost after the divorce. Toss out all junk food, fill the fridge with fresh and natural foods, especially veggies, and establish a new exercise routine, even if it is just taking a walk with your friends every day.
- Step 6: Reward Yourself – You’ve set up goals, now create your own Vendetta Treasure Chest, a box with promise notes for rewards, like “Buy new shoes” or “Get motorcycle riding lessons,” when you reach those goals. Once the Treasure Chest is empty, you’ve reached all your goals and have achieved your Vendetta.
- Step 7: Time to Celebrate! – Throw a party for yourself with your closest friends, take a trip, or even symbolically destroy all memorabilia of your ex that you don’t want any more to celebrate achieving your goals.
There are many potential factors that contribute to a divorce. The most common of these are usually infidelity, financial issues, and conflicting goals. Lying and cheating are obvious behaviors that can lead to divorce, but there are also a handful of less obvious behaviors which, if consistent, can end a marriage.
According to The Huffington Post, although there are countless reasons why a relationship ends, researchers identify five behaviors that, if repeated over time, have the power to end a marriage:
A wedding is a beautiful event. Years after, people fondly flip through their wedding album, revisiting the memories of that day through photos. But what if the photos didn’t capture precious moments of that special day? According to The New York Times, a man is suing the photography company he hired for his wedding for missing crucial moments during the wedding, in photos and video. The lawsuit, though already uncommon, is all the more unusual for the following reasons:
- The wedding took place in 2003;
- The couple separated in 2008 and divorced in 2010; and
- The divorced groom wants to recreate the entire wedding and have new photographs taken (by another photographer).
Laura Walsh, ex-wife of Republican U.S. Representative from Illinois Joe Walsh, has made claims that her ex-husband owes over $115,000 in delinquent child support payments. According to The Huffington Post, Joe Walsh stated that her claims are “wildly and off-the-charts inaccurate” and a “misguided attempt” to exploit his congressional position. He has submitted a court filing stating that his ex-wife lied about their arrangement.
Walsh claims to have paid his ex-wife more child support than was necessary during the period from November 2005 to June 2007 and that, even though he neglected to pay during the period between March 2008 and December 2010, he and his ex-wife had come to an agreement that they would split the children’s expenses without interference from the courts. The freshman congressman has asked the judge to deny his ex-wife’s petition for an increase in his child support payments, suspension of his driver’s license, and freezing of his bank accounts until he resolves the outstanding payments.
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