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Things to Do and Not to Do on Your First Post-Divorce Valentine’s Day
Sometimes the blues come around unexpectedly after a divorce. But there are certain times of the year that can be more painful than others if some advance planning is not taken care of. Whatever you do, do not sit home alone feeling sorry for yourself. The following do’s and don’ts are recommendations of Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist who has authored 11 books including Money, Sex, and Kids:
Do
- Make plans well in advance of Valentine’s Day that include having your best friends around you.
- Send personal Valentine notes/cards to all who mean the world to you.
- Be certain about what it takes to make Valentine’s Day special to you, and you will not pity yourself.
- Plan an activity like skiing or skating with friends.
- Go to a play or sporting event like a basketball game.
- Take advantage of the day to try something new that does not remind you of the past.
- Use your own energy to help others in need such as helping out at a shelter. This will give you added perspective on your own life.
Attorney Jeffrey Knipmeyer Discusses Benefits of Always being Prepared for Trial
Divorce may seem like a clear-cut process. You want a divorce, so you either plan to go through mediation or you go to court, but plans don’t always work out. Experienced divorce attorney Jeffrey Knipmeyer has represented many divorcing clients and recognizes that how you may start your divorce is not necessarily how you’ll end up finishing it. For this reason, it is important to always be prepared to go to trial, even if you start out in mediation.
At Nottage and Ward, our legal team approaches every divorce with a solid pre-trial strategy that will help ensure success in the event that the divorce ends up going to trial. By taking the necessary steps in trial preparation, we make sure we’re never caught off guard. This is important for you too. Just because you and your spouse decide to go through mediation does not mean you shouldn’t collect any and all financial records and retain an attorney to represent your interests. Our attorneys take the following steps to make sure we are always prepared for whatever turn your divorce takes:
The Big Bang Theory Actress Mayim Bialik Announces Divorce from Husband Michael Stone
Mayim Bialik, former Blossom star and actress on the sitcom The Big Bang Theory, announced that she and her husband of nine years, Michael Stone, are getting a divorce, according to The Huffington Post. The couple has two young sons.
There has been a lot of speculation about the reason for the couple’s decision, the most popular of which involves parenting styles. Mayim Bialik is a proponent of attachment parenting, a philosophy centered around forming close bonds with children through near-constant physical contact. The philosophy encourages co-sleeping, carrying babies in slings as opposed to strollers, and prolonged breastfeeding. Bialik even published a book on the subject, but says that the parenting philosophy did not play a role in their decision to divorce. She stated that “relationships are complicated no matter what style of parenting you choose.”
Where Do Politics Fit into Marriage and Divorce?
The impact politics have on a married couple can be great or relatively non-existent; it all depends on the people and their relationship. But politics can easily destroy a marriage and ruin any relationship with your ex after divorce if you let it.
In Marriage
Oftentimes, common political views are one of the reasons why two people are in a relationship. You have the same opinions and vote for the same candidates and maintain the same position on propositions and other legislation. Occasionally, these political views change, and depending on how much and how the change is handled, such a shift in a couple’s dynamics can cause discord and potentially lead to divorce. You and your spouse do not have to have the same politics, but learning how to deal with contentious topics in a healthy way is necessary to maintain the relationship. It is best to keep an open mind and try to understand your partner’s views; this doesn’t mean that you have to agree with them, but even just trying to understand them may go along way.
What You Should Not Say to a Divorcee, Even if You Mean Well
When you have a friend or family member who is going through a divorce, your immediate impulse is to try to make them feel better, but what you think is helpful may actually just cause a divorcee stress and frustration. According to The Huffington Post, here are some common phrases that, while well-meaning, can actually be the last things a person going through a divorce wants to hear:
- At least you don’t have kids. Even if a divorcee doesn’t have children, it doesn’t mean the pain of divorce is less, so it is almost like telling them that they should not be feeling as bad as they are.
- That’s just like what happened to me. That’s just a great way to make a divorcee feel worse, not better. Turning their pain into focusing on what happened to you may feel like you’re empathizing, but you are in fact taking away a chance for the divorcee to really tell their story.
- You’re still young, you won’t have trouble meeting someone new. The last thing a divorcee wants to think about after a divorce is jumping back into the dating pool.
- Everything happens for a reason. This is probably the vaguest platitude you can give and really just says that since everything happens for a reason, there’s no reason to be distraught over the divorce.
How Post-Nuptial Agreements Can Resolve Marital Discord
There are many reasons why a marriage turns rocky, and, in these tough economic times, many miscommunications, disagreements, and resentments lie in financial insecurity. Financial problems, even potential financial problems or uncertainties, are a cause of emotional stress which can turn a good marriage into a barely functioning one with an ongoing “blame game.” According to The Huffington Post, the answer to resolving such issues may simply be a post-nuptial agreement.
U.S. Census Reports Divorce Rate Trends in Marital Events of Americans: 2009
According to The Huffington Post, U.S. Census Bureau has released a report in which it identifies regional trends in divorce rates for men and women. Based on 2009 data from the American Community Survey, the report determines that the Northeast region of the country has the lowest divorce rates, while the South has the highest.
The South, which according to the Census Bureau includes Virginia, West Virginia, District of Columbia, Delaware, Maryland, Florida, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Texas, Tennessee and Oklahoma, has a rate of 10.2 divorces per 1,000 men and 11.1 per 1,000 women. According to a Census official, these high divorce rates are largely the result of higher marriage rates.
Should Couples Be Required to Attend Counseling Before They Can Marry or Divorce?
While this may not be a simple question to answer, the state of Wyoming will have to soon make a decision regarding whether couples who want to tie the knot or call it quits will have to pay for three hours of counseling before doing so. According to a Wyoming Tribune Eagle story, a bill has been introduced in Wyoming that would force couples to wait a year before being permitted to get a marriage license or a divorce decree if they decide not to pay for three hours of counseling.
The bill’s sponsor stated that the intention is to help couples better comprehend the consequences of life-changing decisions as well as help lower instances of children ending up in poverty due to a divorce. Although Wyoming law already requires that divorcing couples receive co-parent counseling before getting divorced, the new bill is the first to highlight ways for couples to deal with each other once the divorce is final. The proposal would allow a judge the ability to dismiss the counseling requirement for a divorce in which domestic violence is an issue.
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