Divorce - Chicago Illinois Family Law Blog - Page 13
Rosaire Nottage of Family Law Firm Nottage and Ward Discusses Ways to Bounce Back after Divorce
Rosaire Nottage, a founding partner of the Chicago family law firm Nottage and Ward, is committed to helping Illinois residents with a wide range of family law matters, including divorce. But it isn’t just important to offer effective legal representation to divorcing individuals, but to provide them with the support and advice they need after divorce, which is where a particular Huffington Post article comes in.
Being happy again after divorce is, unfortunately, not an instantaneous process, even if you wanted the divorce and looked forward to when you would be single and on your own again. Divorce is a big change, especially if you were married for many years, and being single takes some getting used to, but there are ways to make sure that you can encourage the process along more quickly:
The Real Impact of Marriage and Divorce on Kids
According to Psychology Today, a popular blogger and best-selling author recently declared that divorce is selfish and immature, almost always bad for kids, a sign of mental illness, and something done by “dumb people” more so than well-educated people. These are very strong statements, but that doesn’t mean they are correct. Based on the aforementioned points, it can be concluded that a married couple, even an unhappily married couple, should stay together “for the kids.” This brings up an important question, however: Does divorce cause more damage to children than an unhappy marriage?
Divorce is difficult on everyone involved, including children, and children from divorced parents tend to experience more behavioral and/or school-related problems, but does that mean that parents should stay together even though they are unhappy? The short answer is no. Factors that create issues for kids during/after a divorce can also exist during a marriage. If there is a high level of conflict between parents, it will affect their children.
How Smart Women Find Happiness after Divorce
Divorce affects women in different ways. While some may do very well after divorce, others find it very difficult to move beyond the emotional pain and financial hardships. The circumstances of every divorce are different, but, according to The Huffington Post, the difference between women who do well after divorce and women who get stuck is that women who do well make the decision to be happy with themselves and their situation. This isn’t easy, but it is necessary if you want to get on with your life. There are five major steps that, as a smart woman, you should take to be happy again and get on with your life:
- Give “woe is me” feelings a shelf life. Self-pity can be very destructive and keep you from letting go of something that is in the past. Make the conscious mental shift from victim to survivor, or even warrior, and make future decisions with that mentality.
- Accept your post-divorce financial situation. Come to terms with your reduced lifestyle and reprioritize your finances or commit yourself to changing your lifestyle. The smartest women do not rely on alimony or maintenance from their ex-husband, or the finding of a new man, as a long-term financial solution.
How a Friendly Divorce Gets You the Best Settlement
There are always stories of heated courtroom battles between divorcing couples, each with their own aggressive attorney fighting for what their client wants. In such cases, the best settlement for both parties is not typically the goal. The goal is to take away something the other wants. This not only makes the divorce drag on and incurs hefty legal fees on both sides, but, by the end of it, both spouses will likely still be unhappy with the outcome. When a divorce is amicable, it can be much easier and quicker to come to a settlement that is agreeable to both parties and less likely to give rise to future problems. This means that, for a divorcing couple on bad terms with one another, it may be worth the extra effort, as difficult as it may be, to work together.
According to PsychologyToday.com, the following eight guidelines can help you and your spouse amicably work towards an ideal settlement:
Resolving Tax Matters during Divorce Essential to Avoiding Problems after Divorce
Financial issues are common in many marriages and, in some, may even be severe enough to lead to divorce. But the financial problems may not stop there. Divorced couples often experience financial issues after divorce due to unforeseen tax implications which were not addressed in the terms of the divorce. This can not only result in ongoing animosity between the couple but also potentially cause serious tax issues. No one wants the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) breathing down their necks, so it is important to address the following tax matters in your divorce:
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- Deducting Legal Fees – Typically, you cannot deduct legal fees on your tax return; however, if the fees are related to the allocation or protection of income-producing assets, then the fees can be deductable. Before you file your tax return, know what you can deduct and what you can’t.
- Filing Status and Exemptions – A very important issue to resolve during divorce settlement negotiations is who will be claiming the children, or who will claim which child. In addition, matters related to the “head-of-household” filing status and exemptions must also be resolved.
Relationship Status of Kate Gosselin and Ex Points to Common Cause of Marital Discord
Kate Gosselin filed for divorce from then-husband and reality show co-star Jon Gosselin in June 2009 amid infidelity rumors. The reality show, which continued as “Kate Plus 8” after the divorce, ended in September 2011, according to The Huffington Post. It is not the circumstances of the divorce or the fate of the reality show that are the most telling, however.
Earlier this week, Kate Gosselin discussed her relationship with her ex-husband on “Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers.” The couple shares custody of their eight children. According to Gosselin, the couple has had a much more peaceful relationship. They each live their own lives and everything seems to be much better. She says that she believes their improved relationship is, at least in part, due to her ex’s recent employment, which has made him happier with himself. He is happier, the kids are happier after they see him, and that makes her happy.
Post-Divorce Recovery May Just Take 7 Steps: Part 2
In last week’s blog post, we discussed the first four steps of coping post-divorce by using the Vendetta Technique, which was developed by celebrity weight-loss coach Valerie Orsoni. Today we present the last three steps to move on with your life, happily and confidently, after divorce:
- Step 5: The Vendetta Diet – There is strong correlation between looking good and feeling good, and vice versa. It gives you confidence that you may have lost after the divorce. Toss out all junk food, fill the fridge with fresh and natural foods, especially veggies, and establish a new exercise routine, even if it is just taking a walk with your friends every day.
- Step 6: Reward Yourself – You’ve set up goals, now create your own Vendetta Treasure Chest, a box with promise notes for rewards, like “Buy new shoes” or “Get motorcycle riding lessons,” when you reach those goals. Once the Treasure Chest is empty, you’ve reached all your goals and have achieved your Vendetta.
- Step 7: Time to Celebrate! – Throw a party for yourself with your closest friends, take a trip, or even symbolically destroy all memorabilia of your ex that you don’t want any more to celebrate achieving your goals.
Post-Divorce Recovery May Just Take 7 Steps: Part 1
Getting over a divorce is a long emotional process, whether it was a mutual decision or not. Every person has their own methods of coping with divorce, and no one way is the right way, but wallowing in depression should never be one of those methods. If you have recently been divorced and are trying to find a way to be happy with yourself and your life again, the Vendetta Technique, developed by celebrity weight-loss coach Valerie Orsoni, may be the way, according to Shape magazine. In this two-part blog series, we will be outlining the essential seven steps of this technique and how they can help you move on with your life in a healthy way.
The goal of the Vendetta Technique is to drive yourself to becoming a better and healthier person, not to actually hurt your ex, but to gain control of your life and your emotions. These are the first four of the technique’s seven steps:
What Consistent Behaviors in Your Marriage May Lead to Divorce?
There are many potential factors that contribute to a divorce. The most common of these are usually infidelity, financial issues, and conflicting goals. Lying and cheating are obvious behaviors that can lead to divorce, but there are also a handful of less obvious behaviors which, if consistent, can end a marriage.
According to The Huffington Post, although there are countless reasons why a relationship ends, researchers identify five behaviors that, if repeated over time, have the power to end a marriage:
New University of Arizona Study Finds Correlation between Divorce and Early Death
Even a divorce that is necessary can have negative effects on a couple. Most often, the effects people think of are depression, uncertainty, loneliness, and/or financial insecurity, but, according to USA Today, there is another serious effect of divorce, as demonstrated in the findings of a University of Arizona (UA) divorce study: higher risk of an early death.
The UA study, or rather review, was published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science. After examining 32 case studies involving 6.5 million adults in 11 countries over 27 years, researchers found that divorced adults suffer a higher risk of early death than married adults. More specifically, divorced adults have a 23 percent greater chance of dying early, and for divorced men, it is more than that.
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